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SATIRE
No, I Don’t Miss Work Conferences or Networking Events
My social awkwardness doesn’t help
See the photo above? I took it lurking behind a plant at a pre-pandemic networking event.
For us socially-awkward souls, the pandemic offers a welcome reprieve. No more in-person work conferences, networking events, or other forced interactions professional life foists upon us. I wish I could say I crave face-to-face communication enough that I miss these experiences, but I don’t.
Talking with strangers is like playing a game I can’t win
It’s a combination of introversion, excessive self-monitoring, and intolerance for small talk that’s produced my specific strain of social awkwardness. For me, talking with people I’m unfamiliar with represents a series of games I can’t seem to win.
Talking with strangers at a business event, for instance, is like playing Minesweeper. If you’re too young to know what Minesweeper is, I’m sad for both of us. Opening a conversation with someone new, I don’t know if I’ll gain human interaction points or detonate a landmine.
Example of conversational Minesweeper
Me: “You’re from Minnesota? Me too!” Points scored.
